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Listing 02 of 03 · Now Listed

Adam
Lopez

The elder brother by a matter of minutes. Construction project manager, mechanical engineer, Eagle Scout — a man who delivers things on time and on budget for a living and does not appear to know another way. Terms are indefinite, the APR is zero, and no Lopez may be returned.

Submit an Application Read the Listing
  • 3Years coordinating builds
  • 1Eagle Scout, and it shows
  • 0Projects delivered late

He will build in float. He always builds in float.

Adam Lopez

Long-Term Partner Listing · Boyfriend (Aspiring)

  • Faith: Catholic
  • Work: Project Manager · construction
  • Degree: BS Mechanical Engineering · KSU
  • Scouting: Eagle Scout
  • Location: Dallas, GA
  • Position in family: Elder twin
  • Available immediately
  • applications@lopez.loan
Adam Lopez

Objective

To deliver one long-term project on time, on budget and to the standard it deserves. Seeking a partner who shares the faith, who understands that being early is simply how he is, and who will not be alarmed when he quietly fixes something in her flat that she had not mentioned was broken. Willing to relocate. Not willing to skip the punch list.

Executive Summary

Assistant project manager at Leapley in Atlanta since 2023, coordinating commercial construction — schedules, budgets, subcontractors, RFIs, submittals and change orders. Mechanical engineering degree from Kennesaw State. Eagle Scout, which in his case is not a line on a résumé so much as an explanation for the rest of it. Ran a Tropical Smoothie for two years before that, hiring and training staff and forecasting labour, which is where he learned that most problems are scheduling problems wearing a costume. Catholic. Elder twin, by minutes, and unbothered by it.

Scope of Work (rider · forms part of the listing)

Rider 02 · Adam · Not Severable

  1. DeliveryOn time. This is not a preference or an aspiration; it is the entire professional identity, and it does not switch off at five o'clock.
  2. SchedulingHe will plan the weekend, and he will build slack into it so that the plan survives contact with reality. You are permitted to ruin the plan. He has already priced that in.
  3. MaintenanceNCCER certified in electrical and plumbing. Things in your home will begin working again without discussion. Attempting to pay him for this will not go well for you.
  4. Conflict resolutionListed on the actual résumé, between Quality Assurance and Time Management. He treats a disagreement as a thing to be resolved rather than won, which is rarer than it should be.
  5. PreparednessEagle Scout. There is a bag in the car. You will need something from the bag within the first year and he will not say a word about it.
  6. Change ordersAccepted, in writing or otherwise. Scope changes are normal; unlogged scope changes are how projects fail.
Agreed and accepted Date

Risk Register (rev. 1 · reviewed quarterly)

Identified early, logged honestly, mitigated where mitigation exists. This is a real document type and he produces them for a living, which is the only reason it is funny.

RiskLikelihoodMitigation
Asked whether the twins are identicalCertainThey are not. He stopped correcting people some years ago.
Fixes something you did not ask him to fixHighNone available. Ask him to stop and he will do it anyway.
Arrives early and then waits in the carHighText him. He will come in. He simply did not want to be a nuisance.
Weekend over-scheduledMediumFloat is built in by default. Say so and the plan flexes.
Runs over budgetLowHas not occurred professionally. No reason to expect it here.
Emotionally unavailableLowContrary to the profession and the stereotype, he talks about it.
LateNegligibleEagle Scout. It does not happen. Do not plan around it happening.

Core Competencies

Being on time100%
Project scheduling & budgeting99%
Fixing it before you mention it94%
Conflict resolution94%
Being prepared for the unlikely100%
Leaving a broken thing broken0%

Additional skills: MS Project, Excel, MATLAB, SolidWorks, Bluebeam, Procore, CAD, NCCER electrical and plumbing certification, reading a set of drawings faster than the person who drew them, and carrying an entire folding table from the car without being asked twice.

Professional Experience (all of it verifiable)

As with his sister's listing, none of the following is a bit. It came off his actual résumé.

Assistant Project Manager · Leapley Construction, Atlanta

May 2023 – Present
  • Builds the schedules and the budgets, then defends both from everyone who would like them to be different.
  • Coordinates between design team, owner and subcontractors — which is to say, he is the person three groups each believe is on their side.
  • Issues RFIs and submittals, tracks change orders, and plans the onsite logistics down to where the temporary protections go.
  • Three-plus years of on-time, on-budget delivery. That is the whole pitch, and it is a good one.

Assistant Store Manager · Tropical Smoothie Cafe, Marietta

Aug 2019 – May 2021
  • Opened and closed, reconciled the drawers, ran inventory and truck orders for two years.
  • Hired and trained staff, and built the weekly rota off POS labour forecasting — scheduling people before he scheduled buildings.
  • Kept the customer feedback log and answered the complaints himself, which is the part nobody volunteers for.

Eagle Scout · Boy Scouts of America

Attained
  • The rank roughly four per cent of scouts finish, and the reason he owns the correct tool for things you did not know had a correct tool.
  • "Be prepared" turns out to be less a motto than a personality, and it has never once been the wrong one to have around.

Education & Certifications

  • Degree: BS, Mechanical Engineering — Kennesaw State University, 2019–2023. Finished it while working.
  • Certified: Procore. Bluebeam. NCCER electrical and plumbing.
  • Attained: Eagle Scout, Boy Scouts of America.
  • Sacraments: Catholic. Quieter about it than his sister, and no less serious.
  • Not certified: Cannot walk past a door that sticks. This has been raised with him and it did not take.

Applicant Requirements (what we're looking for in you)

Required

  • Shares the Catholic faith
  • Says what the actual problem is, early, while it's still cheap to fix
  • Fine with a plan, and equally fine with the plan changing
  • Can meet a younger sister who will assess you thoroughly

Preferred

  • Enjoys a project, or at least enjoys watching one get finished
  • Owns something that needs fixing and will let him
  • Comfortable outdoors and unbothered by an early start
  • Understands that arriving early is affection, not impatience

Dealbreakers

  • Lets a small problem become an expensive one to avoid a conversation
  • Chronically, unapologetically late
  • Rude to anyone wearing a hi-vis vest
  • "We'll figure it out when we get there"

Compensation & Benefits

Vested immediately. Non-transferable. Not repayable, per the standing terms.

Maintenance Included

Certified in electrical and plumbing. Things start working again and no invoice is ever produced. Do not attempt to pay him.

Logistics Handled

The trip is planned, the booking is made, the timings work, and there is slack in them for the thing that always goes wrong.

Preparedness

There is a bag in the car. You will need something out of it within the year and he will hand it over without comment.

Spiritual Benefits

Quietly practising, reliably present. He will be at Mass whether or not anyone noticed him go.

Family Plan

One twin brother and one younger sister, both included, neither optional. The sister will have opinions about you and she will be right.

Full Coverage

Answers on the first ring. Remembers the thing you were nervous about and asks how it went, on the right day.

Attachments (submitted unprompted)

Photographs enclosed. Nobody requested photographs. The last one is submitted in evidence of the whole character, and it is the strongest item in the file.

Exhibit ACompany cap, camp chair, entirely at rest. Getting him there takes arranging.
Exhibit BMid-taco, delighted. Somebody asked him to hold still, and he did.
Exhibit CHeadphones on, back to the room. The only shot where he doesn't know.
Exhibit DSanta hat, December, friends behind. He is the one who organised it.
Exhibit EClose to camera, expression unreadable. He submitted this one himself.
Exhibit FThe full Santa suit, for somebody else's children. Note the trainers — he drew the line at the boots.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this a joke?

Yes. Also no. It's a joke that would be extremely pleased to be taken seriously by the right person.

Are the twins identical?

No. Fraternal. Same birthday, same parents, and a resemblance no stronger than any two brothers — which does nothing whatsoever to reduce how often the question is asked. See the risk register; it is logged at "certain".

Which twin is older?

Adam, by a margin measured in minutes. He mentions it exactly as often as you would expect, which is to say occasionally and with great satisfaction.

Is the Santa photograph real?

Entirely. Full suit, full beard, armchair, lights. He did it for other people's children and he did it properly, right up to the footwear, where he stopped. That photograph tells you more about him than this page does.

Will he actually fix things?

Yes, and you will not be consulted first. He is NCCER certified in electrical and plumbing, and the gap between him noticing a problem and having solved it is measured in minutes.

Where's Eric?

Still being written. He is the other twin, and the fact that both siblings were listed before him has not gone unremarked.

Who made this website?

A friend. Adam found out about it the same way you did, and asked what the timeline was.

References

Available on request. Expect his mother, a site full of subcontractors who will tell you he is the reason things got finished, a scoutmaster, and one younger sister who will be complimentary about him at some length and then immediately point out that she was listed first.

Ready to apply?

Submit an Application

No cover letter required. Say hello, tell him one true thing about yourself, and if there's something you've been meaning to get sorted, mention it. He will want to know the timeline.

Applications reviewed personally. No bots, no recruiters, no "hey :)" and nothing else.